NLP- What is it and how can it help you?

NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is a word often heard and used in our society. NLP techniques can be used by psychotherapists, coaches, trainers, managers, sales people, teachers and more, with the aim of changing one’s thoughts and behaviours to help achieve the results the individual desires.

• What is NLP?
• How did NLP come about?
• Basic principles of NLP
• Neuro linguistic programming techniques
• Applications of NLP
• How can you learn NLP?
• The benefits of NLP

What is NLP?

There are several definitions of NLP. Each of the founders of this movement offered their own version. The one I particularly resonate with is:

“The process of creating models of human excellence in which usefulness – not truthfulness – is the most important criterion for success.” – Steve and Connirae Andreas

NLP is short for Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP is based on language processing, but should not be confused with natural language processing, which shares the same acronym.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming covers three areas:

1. Neurology refers to the brain and how we represent information. For example, you can use your eyes to see something. Other ways of experiencing the world are hearing, kinaesthetic (tactile sense and emotional experiences), taste and smell.
2. Linguistics refers to the language – images, sounds, feelings, tastes, smells and words – that we use in remembering a particular experience (or in predicting a future experience). For example, did you have breakfast this morning? When you recall this experience, can you see a mental image? Can you hear certain sounds (perhaps music on the radio/telephone) or taste and smell food? And, in addition, how did you feel? Happy, tired, excited?
3. Programming refers to your habits, patterns, schedules and strategies. If it’s a work day, do you follow certain patterns to get ready for work? Maybe you like to lie down for 5 minutes after the alarm clock goes off. Do you shower before or after breakfast? Surely, if you pay a little attention to what you do, you will notice that you have such patterns, habits, schedules, strategies for everything you do. Some of these patterns help you, but others don’t – thus, unwanted results occur. You may be aware of these patterns or you may only become aware of them when someone points them out to you, or there are patterns that you are not or will never be aware of. Either way, these patterns influence the way you take care of yourself, the way you communicate with others, etc. If these patterns generate positive things in your life – Very Good! If you find that some patterns are not working for you or are limiting you, wouldn’t it be useful to identify and change them so that they work for you?
   NLP uses perceptual, behavioural and communication techniques to help people change their thoughts and actions more easily.

How did NLP come about?

The popularity of Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP has become widespread since it first appeared in the 1970s. At the time, mathematician Richard Bandler and philologist John Grinder asked themselves a simple but fascinating question: “What exactly is the difference between a person who is only competent in one area and another who achieves excellent performance in the same area?”.
They believed it was possible to identify the thought patterns and behaviours of successful individuals that they could model and teach others.
Despite the lack of empirical evidence to support it, Bandler and Grinder published two books, The Structure of Magic I and II, and NLP took off. Its popularity was partly due to its versatility in addressing the many different problems people face.
Through the modelling process that the two creators of NLP developed, patterns of good intra- and interpersonal functioning are identified, which can then be transferred to other people, like technological know-how.
Based on this approach, NLP has developed continuously and has now become a synthesis of many disciplines offering systematic and effective tools for developing competencies in all areas of professional and personal life.
NLP’s uses include the treatment of phobias and anxiety disorders, improving work performance or personal happiness.

Basic principles of NLP

Like any other theory, NLP is based on a philosophy of principles that focus on learning and facilitating mental processes, behaviour, communication and change. When you come into contact with the presuppositions of NLP, it is not necessary to take them as true or to prove their futility.
The list of NLP principles is long, but I will detail only 5 of the ones I particularly resonate with, and the rest I will just mention.

1. The map is not territory

Humans cannot know reality itself and each of us has a model of the world called a “map”. What we know are perceptions of reality. These perceptions are
Neurolinguistic “maps” created through representational systems (senses): Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, Gustatory (VAKOG).
Our maps contain elements of the present (now and here), the past (memory) and the future (imagination). These maps determine our behaviour. Therefore, we can act on the mechanisms of perception to be more adaptive, i.e. we can act on the present, past and future through the processes of memory and imagination because they use the same nerve circuits.
It is extremely important to remember that “people react and respond according to their inner maps” and no individual map is more “real”, more “right”, more “true”, more “objective” than another map.
The complexity and uniqueness of our maps makes each of us unique!

2. The resources needed to bring about change are already within us or can be transferred from others.

Throughout our lives we go through different experiences and thus gather resources that help us in solving problems that arise. If we fail to bring out these resources within ourselves, then we can transfer them from others. The idea of transferring resources from other people is the basis for NLP.

3. For every problem there is at least one solution.

Flexibility and creativity are the two elements that support this principle. NLP develops both of them and forces you to constantly find solutions.

4. We are the creators of our own experiences.

Each person is responsible for their own states and the results they achieve. By taking responsibility for our own lives, we get out from under the influence of dependence on other people and create a healthy basis for a good management of our personal existence.

5. When choosing, each person makes the best choice for himself.

Human behaviour is determined by the pattern of the world on which it is based, so we each choose only those solutions of which we are aware at a given time in a given situation or at a given moment in our lives.
The behaviour we are talking about might not be acceptable in the given context, but there are situations where it is desirable. For example, the ability to hurt or even kill someone is not socially acceptable behaviour, but in war or for self-defence it may be desirable.
This principle facilitates understanding, empathy and forgiveness.

Other NLP principles:

• If a person can learn to do something, then anyone can.
• Human beings have the ability to experience learning in one try.
• “It was never meant to be!” – Grandma Ella
• The way a certain situation is perceived determines the meaning that is attached to it and the actions it provokes.
• There is a context in which every behaviour has value.
• Behind every behaviour is a positive intention.
• People are not one with their behaviour.
• There is no failure, there is only feedback (response, learning).
• If something doesn’t work, do something else.
• The most flexible element controls the whole system.
• It is impossible not to communicate!
• The meaning of communication is the response received.
• Resistance is a comment about the communicator.
• Mind, emotions and body are parts of the same system.
• Humans function perfectly.

Some neuro linguistic programming techniques

NLP is a vast field. As such, NLP practitioners use many different techniques including the following:

Anchoring – Turning sensory experiences into triggers for specific emotional states.
Anchoring is a natural process by which any element of an experience (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, Gustatory = VAKOG) can create (recall) the whole experience. The notion of anchor resides in the fact that our subjective experiences are represented, stored, processed and interpreted in the form of VAKOG or VAKAd (Ad = Auditory digital) schemes. In other words, an anchor is a small part of a pleasant or unpleasant experience which, accessed, facilitates our access to that experience.

The stages of creating an anchor in NLP

• Rapport
• Accessing the desired state/association
• Amplifying and applying the anchor
• Break-state (venting)
• Testing the anchor by challenging it

Exercise “Self-anchoring”:

• Choose a situation in which you have fully used your resources and are satisfied with the result. Identify a specific moment when the pull reached a maximum intensity.
• Retract this experience by remaining associated with the whole body at all times. Review what you saw at that moment, hear what you heard at that moment, feel the sensations in your body, adopt the posture you were in at that moment.

You’re completely related. Now accentuate the representations: make the image brighter, more colourful, bigger, increase the volume of the sounds, make them louder, intensify the bodily sensations, prolong them. Change the representations in such a way as to reach that maximum of living.

• Choose a place in the upper part of the body where you can apply light pressure for a few seconds. When you have done this, open your eyes and turn your attention to other things (break-state).
• Repeat the anchoring four to five times, for each sensory modality, each time associating it with the exact application of the same anchor.
• Test the anchor; repeat the exercise until you have easy access to resources.
• Identify a situation where you would like to have these resources and apply the anchor to create an automatic association.

How to create Rapport in NLP

The practitioner synchronizes with another person by matching their physical behaviors to improve communication and response through empathy.

“Creating rapport involves creating trust, harmony and cooperation in a communicative relationship.” Robert Dilts

Rapport is essential in effective communication. Establishing rapport involves finding elements in the two communicators’ “maps” that overlap and are common. It is however much more than identifying the common parts, rapport is simultaneous communication at the unconscious and conscious level, at the verbal, para-verbal and non-verbal level. In many ways rapport is like a dance, an ongoing guidance between two partners, the only difference being that in the case of dance the one leading the process does not change. In rapport, both “partners” in communication take turns in taking the role of guide, of leader.

Rapport is a process that has several stages:

• Calibration (observation)
• Pacing (synchronisation, tuning, mirroring)
• Leading
• Breaking rapport
• Calibration (observation)
  Calibration is the natural process by which we are able to decipher unconscious, non-verbal reactions during an interaction by associating visible behavioural cues with a specific internal response.

Some generally valid cues for all people that indicate changing internal states:

• The shape and detail of the lower lip, whether it is pursed or not, its fine movements in relation to the upper lip, etc;
• Skin tone, which betrays the tone of the muscles of the face, around the eyes, lips, forehead muscles, shoulders, fingers, etc;
• The colour of the skin, cheeks and ears;
• Breathing: rhythm, amplitude and location;
• Eyes: whether their gaze is focused or blank, whether the pupils are dilated or not, whether they shine or are dull, etc.

Pacing in NLP

This process involves identifying and recognising the person’s behaviours in communication. The term pacing can be applied at both the relationship and task level. The aim is to understand the person’s model of the world and to create the conditions for guiding that person towards a certain destination.

Leading in NLP

Leading involves trying to influence the person to make a decision to change. In practice, this leading is never taken separately from pacing, as it is an important part of the rapport. When pacing, you are trying to get into the other person’s skin, to experience what it is like to live in their model of the world. You communicate with him through his language and think like him. When you drive, you try to influence him to a new behaviour and a new way of thinking. Leading is only possible through precise pacing.

Breaking the rapport

Sometimes, it is just as useful to “mismatch” to “break” the rapport. It is the exact opposite process of tuning. Why would we want to do this? Mismatching and breaking rapport can be useful to a manager who has no time to waste in a conversation with a particular person. Or vice versa – a subordinate who has had enough of the conversation with the boss. Once again, watch out for the ecological framework! Maybe it’s not ecological to look out the window while your boss is green with anger after your latest stunt and tries to talk to you. Disagreement often comes in increments, from low to high intensity.

You can start by decreasing the time you make eye contact, then change your posture, change your voice. It is essential that when you end a conversation of any kind, with any person, in any situation, that you leave in a neutral state, not in a totally unrelated state.

Swish Model in NLP – What is it?

Changing patterns of behavior or thinking to achieve a desired outcome instead of an undesired outcome.

The Swish Model is part of what we call the Submodality section of NLP. It is a way of finding the internal “code” for an internal image, feeling, sound, thought, taste or smell that determines a person’s motivation.

With a Swish pattern we can easily change a state or behaviour when we can find the “trigger” of the problem.

Applications of NLP

NLP is used as a method of personal development by promoting skills such as self-reflection, confidence and communication.
Practitioners have applied NLP commercially to achieve work-oriented goals, such as improved productivity or job advancement.
On a broad scale, it has been applied as therapy for psychological disorders, including phobias, depression, generalized anxiety disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Personally, I use NLP exercises and techniques in both training and coaching. One technique I particularly resonate with is trance (simple exercises) which mainly help the client to relax and become aware of behaviours. A useful exercise I often use is auditing and belief strengthening when discussing goals, purpose.

How can you learn NLP?

There are various NLP courses and books that can help you.
Among the books I recommend as a basis:
– “Introduction to NLP” by Joseph O’Conner and John Seymour to better understand the concepts of NLP.
– “Coaching with NLP” by Joseph O’Conner and Adrea Lages if you want to develop your coaching skills.
– One course I personally attended was the NLP Practitioner course organised by Integrative NLP which is available in various cities. It lasted 7 months and was intense with lots of practical exercises in addition to theory. But there are other courses in the market. The important thing is to manage what is right for you.

What are the benefits of NLP

NLP has become very popular over the years. This popularity may be due to the fact that practitioners can use it in many different areas and contexts.
However, the general ideas on which NLP is based, and the lack of an official body to monitor its use, mean that the methods and quality of practice can vary considerably. In any case, no clear and impartial evidence has yet emerged to support its effectiveness.
For these reasons, good marketing may also have contributed to the widespread popularity of NLP, particularly in the commercial sector.
Personally, I believe there are benefits to understanding and using certain NLP techniques in personal and professional life. I will mention a few general ones:
Discovering the preferred types of communication, taking into account the VAKOG system, of the people around you (friends, colleagues, family) to know exactly how to speak “in their language”. You can discover how exactly to make them pay attention to what you say and how to make them more receptive to your messages, thus avoiding misunderstandings.
Awareness of the link between your own emotions and success in life. Correctly identifying and managing your moods helps you to show confidence whenever needed.
Setting goals that really matter to you and that are aligned with your values and skills, rather than goals “imposed” by others, so you can achieve them more easily.
Learning to value yourself and discover your hidden talents.
In conclusion, I recommend discovering for yourself whether NLP is right for you or not by attending a course, reading books or interacting with people who already apply NLP in their personal and/or professional lives.

Sources:
NLP Practitioner course organised by Integrative NLP
“Introduction to NLP by Joseph O’Conner and John Seymour
“Coaching with NLP” by Joseph O’Conner and Adrea Lages