Self-esteem – what is it and how do you deal with low self-esteem?

Self-esteem and attitude are closely connected.

Take a moment to think of a word or phrase that best describes you.

Your answer says a lot about your self-esteem. If you believe you have little value, chances are others won’t see more in you either.

Attitude is a reflection of self-image and a choice. You won’t be able to rise above the image you choose to have of yourself.

Table of contents:

• What is self-esteem?
• Level of self-esteem
• Why is self-esteem important?
• Types of self-esteem
• Signs that you may have low self-esteem
• Improving self-esteem
• Exercise to boost self-esteem

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is your overall sense of personal worth.

Self-esteem is the foundation of self-image, meaning the way you see yourself, your perception of who you are.

The need to boost self-esteem is one of the four fundamental human needs.

👉 Learn more about optimism!

How do you know what your level of self-esteem is?

Simply put, listen to your inner voice.

If it’s mostly critical and negative, then you need to work on improving your self-esteem. If your inner voice has a generally positive, tolerant, and encouraging tone, it means you have a healthy level of self-esteem.

Why is self-esteem important?

Self-esteem matters because it influences your behavior.

Low self-esteem can lead to unwise choices, unhealthy relationships, or even professional failure. It can make you feel sad, discouraged, and constantly in competition with others.

On the other hand, a healthy level of self-esteem can help you define what truly matters to you and channel your energy toward reaching your potential.

“If you feel you can’t handle life’s challenges, that you don’t deserve love or respect, that you have no right to happiness, that you can’t acknowledge your own thoughts, desires, or needs—if you lack basic confidence in yourself and self-respect—then you will feel limited, no matter what other strengths you have.” – Nathaniel Branden

Types of self-esteem

Self-esteem can be categorized in several ways, depending on your sense of self-worth and competence.

1. Authentic self-esteem
   Authentic self-esteem is associated with emotional balance and a sense of well-being.
   It lies at the intersection of high self-worth and high competence.
2. Defensive self-esteem I
   This type is characterized by emotional imbalance.
   The sense of personal value is not supported by the level of competence.
   It lies at the intersection of high self-worth and low competence.
3. Defensive self-esteem II
   This type of self-esteem depends on success. Any failure can destabilize a person with defensive self-esteem II.
   It lies at the intersection of low self-worth and high competence.
4. Low self-esteem
   Low self-esteem leads to sadness, anxiety, and even depression.
   It lies at the intersection of low self-worth and low competence.

Signs that you may have low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is the most dangerous of the four types.
Here are a few signs that may indicate you’re struggling with it:

• you feel worthless
• you find it hard to make decisions on your own
• you judge yourself harshly
• you feel guilty when doing things for yourself (like relaxing or shopping for yourself)
• you struggle to list 10 of your strengths
• you fear failure
• you constantly seek external validation
• you believe no one likes you
• you isolate yourself

We all have moments when we experience some of these signs.
But what truly matters is what you choose to do once you recognize them.

I chose the positive light within me. Now, don’t think I no longer beat myself up or feel sorry for myself sometimes.

When that happens, I pause and remind myself that I have many strengths too, that I’m a human being with both good and bad, and that I’m constantly evolving and learning.

I do everything I can, at my current level of awareness, to be the best version of myself today.

Improving self-esteem – what can you do?

If you’ve realized that your self-esteem is low or lacking, here are some practical things you can do to improve it!

1. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself

What you say to yourself matters. If you tend to judge yourself and say things like “I don’t like myself,” “I can’t succeed,” or “I’m just not smart today,” remember that you’re constantly having a conversation with yourself—and you care about your own opinion.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others

Sound familiar? You come home from school as a child. First question from your parent: “What grade did you get?” You say: “9.” The next question: “And your classmate?”

Whenever I share this example in training sessions, participants usually respond: “Yes, that was me.” What’s important to realize is that the only person you should compare yourself to is yourself.

3. Challenge your limiting beliefs

I’ve discovered I don’t like placing limits on myself.

I never know what I’m missing or failing to see at my current level of awareness, or how I’ll truly be in a year, two, or ten.

As Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

4. Shape your character

Character isn’t something we’re born with. It’s built over time. It always reflects who we are. That’s why it’s important to give attention to developing it.

Stanley C. Baldwin said: “We ask what we should do, not what we should be. We ask how we can change our environment, not how we should change our character.”

Learn more about moral and personal values!

5. Practice discipline

Natural talent without discipline doesn’t lead to success. Showing discipline in your daily actions means working toward your real potential.

If you make even a little progress toward your goals each day, you’ll feel more confident in your ability to follow through.

6. Celebrate your wins

I always say: if I don’t cheer myself on, who will? If I don’t celebrate my successes, I might wait too long to stay motivated until someone else does it for me.

Even small victories deserve recognition—a little cheer, a pat on the back, a happy dance (if you don’t have one, I suggest creating one soon 😀), a glass of wine, or anything that lifts your mood. This contributes greatly to improving self-esteem.

7. Add value to others

No matter how little you think you know, there’s something you know that someone else doesn’t.

Sometimes we think others are more talented or intelligent. I believe it’s just about having the courage and self-confidence to make an impact in others’ lives.

8. Take responsibility for your own life

Owning your life means taking control of it.

It’s easier to blame others for your problems (partner, weather, pandemic, boss, etc.), but that only means giving away your power. No one else is living your life for you.

👉 Learn more about my coaching sessions that can help you improve your self-esteem!

Exercise to boost self-esteem

Make a list of all your potential qualities.

Don’t stop until you reach 100 positive things about yourself. If you respect yourself, this might come easily.

If not, it may feel more challenging. But whether it takes you minutes, hours, days, or even weeks, don’t stop until your list is complete. It will help you tremendously in boosting your self-esteem.

Usually, when I recommend this exercise, people get scared.

But as they begin writing the list, they discover more and more good things about themselves.

Personally, the first time I did this exercise, I included what I call “gray area” traits. For example, I mentioned that I’m a fiery and impulsive person.

These traits sometimes affect me negatively, but other times they’re a great asset—especially when I need to make quick decisions or push those around me to take action. The important thing is knowing when to use them appropriately.

A person’s self-respect is influenced primarily by how they speak to themselves.

Are you aware of how you talk to yourself?

Keep track of it using notes in your phone or a journal, so you can see how many times a day you’ve had positive versus negative thoughts about yourself.

You can also ask family or friends if they think you see yourself in a positive light or not.

Just know this: you truly have value and you matter. You can make a difference, and you can become who you want to be. You just need to believe in yourself and start.